June 11, 2010
To My Contracting Uterus,
I would like to lodge a formal complaint concerning your performance as of 10 o'clock yesterday morning. While commendable that you managed to complete in one hour what took you two weeks on your initial assignment, your failure to notify me concerning your intentions is unacceptable and reflects poorly on your otherwise clean record.
It was rather disconcerting for my husband to discover me writhing and screaming on our bathroom floor while our oldest son shrieked with delight and joined in Mommy's new game of pounding the ground with her fist. Seriously, the man has been through enough this week. Several other parties have expressed their disapproval including but not limited to my darling doctor, my friend Carol, and my father-in-law, all of which were subjected to my agonizing screams while talking to aforementioned husband on the phone.
I recognize that you have had a somewhat difficult work week, but hope that in the future we can work together and follow protocol in any and all procedures relative to your line of work. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to our future interaction.
Sincerely,
Your disgruntled owner
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Apparently I missed the memo that post-delivery uterine contractions worsen with every pregnancy. You have all failed me. Consider yourself warned.
(Go ahead and laugh. I did. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. Have a great day. We love you!)
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