Day 27: Tattered Wings

I try to be the responsible parent and reprimand my child--and then he makes this face.
A for effort. F for follow through.
I flunk.
Does anyone else suffer from 'wussyparentalsitus' like me?

That, by the way is not my thought-out, blog-worthy moment. . .
as lovely as it is.

My friend wrote a FANTASTIC post about how 'we do not notice the things that we do not know.' I've thought a lot about that over the last two months as I've pondered what life for Shiloh might have been like had he arrived that night in June alive. 28 weeks and some change.
Would I have heard a cry? How long would we have been in the NICU? Would he have lung issues, diminished vision, impaired speech, developmental delays, brain damage, kidney problems, on and on? Or would he have been perfectly normal?
We just do not know.

What I do know is that now when I am at church and I walk by an individual in a wheelchair or when I'm at the grocery store and I notice the bagger boy struggling to ask 'paper or plastic', or when I'm out to dinner and I see an older couple spoon feeding their adult child I notice.
That could have been us.

That could have been us driving back and forth between home and the NICU for months praying for that day we'd bring our baby home. That could have been us facing mountains of medical bills, thanking our lucky stars that there are government funded programs to help out. That could have been me trying to choose between this program and that to supplement my child's education. That could have been us leaping for joy when our child finally learned how to walk, or talk, or run years after their peers. That could have been us. . .

And in a way--I am so grateful that I do not know whether Shiloh would have been perfectly healthy or severely impaired. Because there is this place in my heart that wasn't there before--this love that I feel for those who came to this earth with tattered wings. Carol Lynn Pearson wrote it best:

If you don’t walk as most people do,
Some people walk away from you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
If you don’t talk as most people do,
Some people talk and laugh at you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.
Jesus walked away from none.
He gave his love to ev’ryone.
So I will! I will!
Jesus blessed all he could see,
Then turned and said, “Come, follow me.”
And I will! I will!
I will! I will!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.