A personal adaptation of the beloved classic Home On The Range.
And a one, and a two, and a. . .
Oh, give me a home where the mosquitoes roam,
where the deer ticks bite you everyday
where daily it recurs, humidity that's absurd
so your three year old can't go out and play.
[chorus]
Home, Home can be strange
When your garage gets as hot as the oven range
You're sweatin' a lot, and it's sticky in spots
That you thought couldn't undergo a temperature change.
How often at night, I see the heavens are bright
with the light of an industrial yard
That's twenty yards away from where my head I lay
It feels me with a sense of delight.
[chorus]
Home, Home can be strange
When a Coca-Cola factory is in close range
You see those red trucks and you hope with some luck
They'll barter pop for homemade cookies in exchange.
I love these wildflowers in this backyard of ours
I love too the weeds that are my lawn
The spiders and red ants that crawl in my pants
And bite me leaving cute little scars.
[chorus]
Home, Home can be strange
When your legs look like a Calamine test range
You itch quite a lot, and it's painful in spots
Your death you would happily arrange.
I'm really grateful for winter.
When it is freezing, and all the bugs are dead.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
[seriously]
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